ATLAS INDUSTRIAL CLEANING SUPPLIES

Plums stewing in their own juices simmered away while I trudged up two flights of stairs to fetch a cup of lime to disinfect a rabbit cage. My job of cook, cleaner, gleaner, gardener, farmer, feeder is also that of undertaker, grave digger all in one day.

“I didn’t know it would be like this,” I told my husband as coincidentally the death bells tolled ominously right outside our house for an elderly lady that had passed away. We live across the street from a church with its 12th century pillars that make our village a historical landmark. Meanwhile I was digging up fresh earth of my own, doing a bunny burial just 50 steps down from the church doors and its carved stone arches. People looked down from the bridge with curiosity. I grunted, shooed them away, I wanted privacy for this sacred matter. Our life is not a show.

"Didn’t you read your sister’s book?" my husband said, "there is a lot of death on farms. Even when it’s your own backyard menagerie. Papie sometimes had to kill 9-10 rabbits from his breeding stock because of Rabbit Haemorrhagic virus which is highly contagious." But that is not what our doe died from within 3 days of coming home from the organic farm (the other female and male are fine). She probably already had coccidiosis and we found out on Sunday when the Vet was closed which is the only place to get medicated pellets. So much for trying to be organic and not using chemicals or antibiotics. I see it in my garden all the time. Crops cleared out from bugs or diseases or blight, mildew because we don’t use chemicals. So what if I lose some broccoli, I had lost an animal. One that I wanted to give a good life to, to feed it with awesome hand picked herbs and vegetables, to let her breed, to run freely in the bamboo garden and play with almond branches.

Afterwards- I went to our allotment garden and dug furiously with both of hands instead of a spade. I planted lettuces, mache, spinach and fava beans and cried. The rain came down. I kept on digging adamantly and planted new life until I could longer smell rabbit death on me. Later, I looked at my tea and thought it is the same color as her furry feet. It has happened, it is me who is trapped. I am attached to our animals but I want to know where my meat comes from and raise them humanely. One time I went hunting with friends and I shot five birds, they later cooked them for dinner. I couldn’t take a bite knowing I had killed them. Another time, I collected snails to eat and I dreamt that they were screaming at me to let them out. I freed them in the morning. I'm a wimp. When my sister (who is so brave) showed my neighbour and I how to harvest and field dress a rabbit, I also had a hard time eating him, in fact I had a horrible nightmare that night. Somehow, it just can’t be by my hands. That is why supermarket meat wrapped in plastic is so appealing to the masses. Knowing that an animal died for your meal, makes it a lot harder to swallow.

My husband refuses to hunt (I don’t have a license to hunt or a gun for that matter) nor does he want to do the dirty work of butchering animals. Good that he knows his limits and it seems I am finding mine. Where that leaves us is at an obvious choice. When I grabbed the garden hoe to dig her grave there was a giant cepes mushroom standing next to it. A big "hello eat me instead" sign to go with the 12 kilos of vegetables on my kitchen table that I got freeganing from the trash earlier that morning: tomatoes, eggplants, bell peppers, bananas and oranges that I didn’t want to waste. We don’t need that much meat for our nutritional needs, we already consume a third of the average. I just don’t think it is for me to raise and kill meat for myself. Trading with my already established organic beef, pork and lamb farmers and bartering with hunters seems to be the easier option for us. Amaya gets to keep her bunnies, even if they might just be pets and we will be eating our fruits and vegetables with the meat we already have, not killed by me.

PS We might farm out the harvesting work as an exchange, there are three rabbit farmers near us. I just need some distance. I wanted to meet my meat, but this is too emotional for me. And we are not about to become vegetarian, i did that for years and it's not for me. but we do eat a lot less meat and only ones that we have meet. the only true way to respect animals is to be vegan- factory farming milk and mass production eggs makes for a lot of suffering in the world, animals and planet.

Hello Everyone

I HAVE MISSED YOU ALL and thought that after having had many of you stop by to make sure I am still kicking thought I had better come say "HI. and THANK YOU."

It is heartwarming to know that so many of you are thinking of me, as, I hope you know, I am thinking of each of you.

I have been busy in so many ways this last four months. That, and the fact that our weather here has been, 'just plain crappy' has contributed to the fact that I have hardly picked my camera up in the last few months... something I find hard to believe but it is true. I have taken less pictures in that time that I did in a single day sometimes for the last 4 years.

I thought I had better slip in and let you know I am o'kay. I have stopped by and been a Peeping-Tom or is that Peeping-Tomasina, into the window of your stream window but not spent time in front of my computer long enough to really stop and comment. I am sorry that I have not kept up but you know what... I REALLY needed this break, as I know you sometimes do. I will be back but for a couple of weeks will be busy in the garden trying to clean up things after a not so favourable growing season. I had replanted some annuals 2 times and still did not get a good crop of anything... too much rain and not warm enough nights to produce much. Vegetables have struggled all the way as well. (anyone have a great homemade and more natural way to combat powdery mildew on a garden? other than moving to a desert that is. ... grrrrrrr..


Calliope Hummingbird, Stellula calliope ,

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